mercilessly

“i only add in passing that when we gorge ourselves this christmas, if we do get the chance to gorge ourselves, it is worth giving a thought to the thousand million human beings who will be doing no such thing. for in the long run our christmas dinners would be safer if we could make sure that everyone had a christmas dinner as well.” george orwell, “as i please” 20 december 1946_____________________________________ “it’s getting harder and harder to give presents. who has room for anything these days?...and mercilessly we go on giving.” gunter grass, “the rat.”____________________________ when asked “what do you want for christmas?” i have, for at least a decade, sincerely responded “nothing”…to no effect…”stuff” continues to collect…i am older…i do not need more “stuff”…my focus anymore is on actually using what i already have rather than accumulating more material goods ( and let’s talk about the “bads” involved in those “goods” sometime)…oh i still purchase books ( or someone gives them to me…a “go to” when asked for gift suggestions…i have, of late, been reading “being and nothingness”…sartre was an over-intellectualized jerk with a bug up his ass about his grandpa )…and i still eat food…but trust me i have enough t shirts and hoodies to last me until the end of my days…i have, as a “retirement job” been working in receiving at a “major retailer”…this has done nothing but harden my attitude about the “holidays” and consumerist ethics…which are somewhat confusing…is there a duty to buy? seemingly…there are hordes of shoppers browsing and buying…and the procrastinators were out in force yesterday…one wonders if they were satisfying needs, desires, or indoctrination…there is a good deal of agit-prop out there reenforcing that indoctrination…and if it is a pavlovian response where does the puzzling phenomenon of “buyer’s remorse” fit in? a reaction to an artificially inseminated desire? a subconscious recognition of blatant manipulation? an internalization of the fact that someone is profiting at your expense? ( “how easily people are distracted and robbed while being handed commodities.” andrei coderscu )…or maybe the moment of transaction is the drug and buyer’s remorse is withdrawal…whichever, a good dose of denial will rationalize it all away in time for the next purchase…is any of it “necessary”…do we actually give anything that is “needed”? a friend just lost an adult child in an accident…i’d like to give that person some equanimity…unfortunately i cannot…all i have is condolences, ineffective as they are…equanimity they will have to come to on their own…the same way we will have to satisfy our “needs”…the rest is dross…i have to go…christmas dinner is at my daughter’s house…i don’t have much of an appetite for it ( or the “holiday” ) but i am going anyway because she is my daughter…and that is important… “not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.” Epicurus ( the grossly misunderstood and slandered philosopher)